


The Most Important Rule

by Callisto_HK



Category: NCIS
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Tony DiNozzo Leaves NCIS Team
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-28
Updated: 2016-08-29
Packaged: 2018-08-11 15:07:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 21,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7897408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Callisto_HK/pseuds/Callisto_HK
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The thing is, you usually can't decide which one is the most important rule; the thing is, you usually overlook that one; the thing is, you forget it and then say things that you might never be able to take back; the thing is, you might be too late this time; OR, the thing is what you say might just not be enough this time. The thing is... /Set in season 10. Rated T for Language!/</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Ah, I was reminded that I should warn Ziva and McGee's fans here; let them know that this probably is not their story. So, if you love McGee and Ziva (especially Ziva) and don't see anything wrong with their behavior, I respect you and your opinion, but please turn around and look for another story.
> 
> This story happens during season 10, but goes AU from there. (Possible minor spoilers for every seasons, nothing major, though.)

They were all tired.

No, scratch that. They were all exhausted; spent; drained. The case they had in hand was a big one and they all had been working on it for two weeks straight and were still no closer to making a breakthrough.

At least Ducky and Abby weren't as busy as the rest of them, which wasn't exactly a comfort if you thought about it; because _that_ meant there were not much evidence to work on and not enough evidence meant no lead. So, the ME and the Lab Tech. were mostly working for the other teams for the moment as the members of MCRT tried their every resources to find something useful for their case.

The latest thing that they'd come across was that more than one gang of gun dealers was involved in what at first seemed like a simple case and that the FBI had at least one undercover agent in one of those gangs. But so far, they had been unable to find any solid lead.

But because of the two dead sailors that had come their way, Gibbs wasn't about to let go of the case; he was determined to solve it at any cost.

And like the pressure of the case wasn't enough, Tony had to deal with some personal problems, as well. Checking his cellphone for the hundredth time that day, he was startled when it started to unexpectedly ring in his hand.

Everybody looked up as he answered the phone, thinking that it might be something related to the case. But when Tony stood up and left the area to answer it, they knew it was personal.

Two minutes later, a grief-stricken Tony came back and sat down heavily, unaware of the suspicious looks that his team was sending him.

"The case too boring for you, DiNozzo?" Gibbs growled from across the bullpen.

"Boss?" Tony looked up, confusion clear in his eyes.

"We don't have time for you to take personal calls." Gibbs glared at him one last time before leaving the bullpen for more coffee.

If Tony acknowledged his boss' comment, his face showed nothing and feeling disappointed at the lack of expression on Tony's face, Ziva and Tim went back to their own works.

Half an hour later when Gibbs finally strode back into the bullpen and sat down in his chair, neither Ziva, nor McGee were there as they'd left to get some lunch.

Approaching Gibbs' desk, Tony stood there quietly.

"What?"

"Boss, I need-"

"Whatever it is, if it's not related to the case, can it." Gibbs growled, not letting Tony finish his sentence.

"But I really-" Tony started to protest but was once again interrupted.

"Did I stutter, DiNozzo?"

Tony blinked in shock, but decided to try once more. "It's important, Gibbs. I need-"

"I don't care what _you_ need, DiNozzo." Gibbs all but shouted, causing Tony to take one step back. "Either get back to work now or don't bother coming back tomorrow."

Dejectedly, Tony staggered back to his chair and sat down; staring blankly at his computer screen. Finally after two minutes, he shook his head to clear his mind and clicked a few times on his mouse and then started to type something; after a few more clicks, he went to print out the form.

He didn't care what Gibbs said; he _couldn't_ care, to be honest; he really needed some time off, two days at most, but he did need it; so when Gibbs ignored him and refused to even listen, he decided to take it to the Director. He wasn't sure that Vance would accept it, either- they were in the middle of something big, after all- but at least the Director would listen to his reasons.

Ten minutes later, Tony walked down the stairs and found the bullpen empty; Ziva and McGee were probably still off for lunch and Gibbs, Tony thought, must've gone for another coffee, most likely angry at him, again.

Shrugging, Tony decided that he had more important things to be worried about; he'd tried to talk to Gibbs, first; he really didn't want to get around him by going to Vance, but the older agent, once again obsessed with a case, hadn't even bothered to let him explain. So, Tony grabbed his stuff, wrote a note, put it on Gibbs' desk and left the office.

...

Friday morning saw Tony walking in the bullpen with steps lighter than when he'd left the place two days ago.

Sitting behind his desk, he booted his computer up and in the meantime started to check the notes on the case. He inwardly cringed when he saw that during the two days that he'd been absent, they'd made no progress at all.

' _Great_.' He thought to himself; no progress would've most definitely led to an even grumpier Gibbs, which was just what he needed after taking off without being able to explain things.

Right on cue, Gibbs strode into the bullpen and if he was surprised to find Tony there, he showed nothing.

"Oh, I did not know that you were still working here." Ziva's sarcastic voice filled the area and Tony looked up to see her entering the bullpen and sitting behind her desk. "It is very nice of you to join us. I was sure you have decided you could not take the pressure anymore and have run off and I was not surprised at all; you are not made for this job. You are just deadweight all the time."

Tony was momentary speechless; he, of course, had heard those words being said behind his back before, but to his face? Man, she was getting way too full of herself. He needed to find a way to put her in her place and for good, this time.

"She's right." McGee was suddenly there as well and Tony realized that he'd been so shocked by Ziva's words that he hadn't noticed when the younger man had arrived. "But I told her that you haven't taken off just like that." If it wasn't for the smirk on his face, Tony would've thought that at least his Probie knew better. "I told her that you've probably gone behind our back and taken another undercover mission."

"What the hell is your problem?" Tony growled. "I don't have to explain it to you whenever I need some time-off."

"Is that so, DiNozzo?"

' _What? Gibbs, too?'_ But he'd _tried_ to explain it to him. "Boss-"

"Save it, DiNozzo. Nobody cares."

"Yes, Tony. We do not care. You should have just stayed gone. You are not needed here."

"Yeah, that's why you've made so much progress in my absence." Tony couldn't help but retort sarcastically.

"At least, everyone else is committed enough to think about the innocent people more than themselves."

That last comment from Gibbs brought malicious smirks to Ziva and McGee's faces, while it filled Tony with dread. Did Gibbs really think like that about him? After so many years, did he still think that he wasn't devoted to the job and was so selfish?

If that was the case, Tony didn't have anything to say. Not there and then, at least. Gibbs wasn't ready to listen; so there was no point in wasting his breath. He decided that he'd go to Gibbs' house after work and would explain everything to him.

Tony didn't care about everyone else's opinion; it didn't matter to him what they thought about him. It was obvious that they still hadn't seen behind his many masks and if that was the case after so many years of working together, then there was no way Tony could make them see that now and he didn't give a damn, either. He just needed to clear the air with Gibbs, because he was aware that what the older agent was saying was solely because of his anger over an unsolved case.

...

It was almost half past nine when Tony arrived at Gibbs' house. To his surprise, Gibbs wasn't in the basement.

"Hey, Boss."

"What the hell do you want, DiNozzo?"

Tony winced; _'OK, so he's still angry.'_ "Look, Boss. I didn't mean to go behind your back-"

"Then why did you?"

"I tried to talk to you, but you wouldn't even let me open my mouth."

"And I had a good reason. We're in the middle of an important case; a case in the middle of which you decided that you were too good to waste your precious time on it."

"What?" Tony frowned. ' _That again?'_ "Would you just let me talk? I actually can explain. I didn't take any undercover job, as McGee said and you know it wasn't about the pressure of the job or that kinda of BS. I needed the time because my-"

"I don't give a shit, DiNozzo." Gibbs spat angrily. "I told you that before you took off, too. What makes you think that things have changed? I don't care what you need or want. Nobody does. You're being paid to work and you'd damn better do that or you're off my team. I'm fed up with your slacking."

"Slack-" Tony was rendered speechless again. During the years, he'd seen Gibbs pissed, a lot, but it'd never been like this; the older man had never said such cruel things to him and it seemed like they all were hell-bent to prevent him from explaining the reason behind his actions. Would it kill them to actually talk to him like a normal human-being? To ask him what was going on instead of jumping to conclusions and treating him like crap? Would it kill them to actually let him explain when he was trying so hard to do so?

"Gibbs, you don't understand-"

"No, I don't. I don't understand what's possessed me to keep you around for so long." The older man said icily.

 _That_ was like a knife to the chest. Tony took a step back and clenched his fists in order to keep himself from inhaling sharply and showing how much that had hurt. Maybe it was time for a change of scenery. He was getting tired of orange walls anyway.

He was about to open his mouth to say something back and leave when suddenly the door to Gibbs' place was busted open and before they knew what was happening, a group of men with ski masks had them surrounded.

Both Gibbs and Tony had their guns pulled, but they were outnumbered and there was no way they could take out all the invaders; that didn't mean they didn't try, though; despite their earlier argument, they exchanged a look and with an almost invisible nod they opened fire; Tony managed to bring down three men before he received a blow to the head while Gibbs brought down two. He was hit in the head as well and less than a minute later, they were both taken to a van outside; leaving Gibbs' living room covered with blood and five dead bodies on the floor.

...

"Who the hell is this? I told you to bring me the _Leader_." A bald man with black eyes and a goatee said as soon as the door to the van opened and revealed Gibbs and Tony tied on the floor of the vehicle.

"He was there when we arrived." One of the masked men replied and Tony noted his accent. "He killed three of us. What were we supposed to do? You said we were not to shoot anyone."

"You bastard." The bald guy spat angrily and grabbed a hold of Tony's hair and pulled him out and dropped him to the ground; kicking him in the gut.

Tony growled behind the gag around his mouth and vaguely registered an angry growl coming from inside the van.

"He's your right-hand man, isn't he?" The bald guy asked Gibbs and all he received was an angry glare.

He chuckled. "Well, we don't need him but we can use him to make you talk." He then looked at one of his men and with a weird Spanish accent said, "Mátalo!"

"What?" The other guy with bad English accent jumped in before the order could be carried out. "You said you wanted to use him to make the old man talk."

The bald guy rolled his eyes. "And that's what I'm gonna do." He smirked impishly. "This way, he'll know we're serious." He then bent down and once again grabbed Tony's hair and forced him to his feet and then pushed him into the van.

Just as Tony was done struggling to pull himself to a sitting position, the bald guy pulled a gun from his waistband and pointed it at Tony's chest. "Hey, old man." He addressed Gibbs. "Keep your eyes open, you don't wanna miss this."

And just like that he pulled the trigger, once; twice and watched with morbid fascination as Tony's blood sprayed over Gibbs' face and chest; both agents looking shell-shocked.

**.**

**.**

**... TBC ...**


	2. Chapter 2

Tony couldn't believe his luck; just that morning he'd decided that life wasn't that bad after all; the problem he'd been struggling with for the last few days was getting solved and the concern occupying his mind had finally subsided and things looked brighter.

But then the events in the office had happened and then there were those words Gibbs had spat at him in his house, and now; now he was shot, _twice_ , in the chest and was pretty much dying there on the filthy floor of a stupid van.

All in a span of one day!

Gibbs was beyond shocked himself.

 _Dammit. Dammit Dammit._ He couldn't believe it. He couldn't believe that Tony had been shot before his very eyes and he couldn't believe it was Tony's blood on his face. He wanted to jump up and break the neck of the bastard who'd shot his agent but he was tied pretty well and if he wanted to be honest, he was too shocked to move a muscle. He watched with morbid awe as the younger man fell back and lay there on the floor of the vehicle, his breathing sluggish and his eyes unfocused.

The events of the last few days and the words he'd said to the younger man flashed through Gibbs' mind and he winced when he remembered that the last things he'd said to Tony had been angry words that weren't even true.

Once again, he'd let his obsession take over and he'd lashed out at the most convenient target; he'd become so used to Tony taking his anger and not saying a thing that he'd overstepped the boundaries and had gone too far this time. Heck, he'd even let his other agents insult his SFA and instead of putting an end to it, he'd turned a blind eye to it. He was so mad at them and at himself at that moment that he couldn't even shake off his shock. The last words between Tony and him had been hurtful comments from Gibbs and he could clearly remember the hurt in Tony's eyes and now his best agent, his friend was dying in front of him and he couldn't do a thing about it.

He groaned loudly behind his gag and tried to get Tony's attention, but the younger man seemed too out of it to notice Gibbs' effort and Gibbs was so distracted by the dreadful situation that he didn't even notice when the van started to move again and when it stopped some minutes later. The only thing that he noticed in the darkness of the van was that, little by little, the light left Tony's eyes and the younger man's eyes closed of their own accord.

No matter how much he yelled behind the gag, Tony didn't move a muscle after that and then the door opened, two pairs of hands grabbed Tony's motionless form and moved him out of Gibbs' sight.

That was it.

Gibbs didn't remember anything after that. Not until he woke up in a damped room, tied tightly to metal chair.

The first thing he noticed was that he wasn't gagged anymore and what registered next was that he was alone, while he was sure Tony had been there when they'd been captured in the first place.

Right then the door to the room opened and the bald guy walked in. Smirking down at him, he said. "How do you like your room, Agent Gibbs?"

"Where's DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked in lieu of answering.

"DiNozzo? Your right-hand man?" He laughed humorlessly, "Why, I got rid of him, of course. You didn't think I'd tie a dead body to a chair, did you? All I needed him for was to show you that we're not afraid of killing anyone." The expression on Gibbs' face must've spoken volume, because a smirk tugged at the corner of the guy's mouth. "You still have his blood on your face, you know? Here, let me show you." With that he grabbed a dirty mirror that was on the wall over a sink and held it in front of Gibbs so he could see his own face.

Despite himself, Gibbs looked in the mirror and he felt his heart clenched in his chest at the sight of blood on his face and neck.

"It looks good on you, actually. Red becomes you." The man patted Gibbs on the face. "I kinda wish I've shot him in the head, though; that way we might've been able to find pieces of his skull and brain on your clothes... Between your hair... Well, I guess we could still look and see what we-"

"I'll kill you." Gibbs shouted angrily, interrupting the sick man. "You hear me? I. Will. Kill. You."

"Yeah, sure." He laughed, unperturbed by Gibbs' outburst. "We burned his body. Are you going to burn me too?" He laughed harder and threw Tony's half burnt ID card and wallet on the ground in front of Gibbs. "Enjoy the view, Agent Gibbs. He's dead because of you. After all, if he hadn't been at your place, he'd still be alive." Moving smoothly, he drew back his arm and then hit Gibbs in the temple; it didn't render the agent unconscious, but it dazed him enough that he didn't noticed when the guy left the room.

"Tony." He whispered under his breath and didn't bother to move his head from where it was resting on his chest.

He tried to tell himself that Tony wasn't dead, but the blood on his face, the charred card and wallet and the image of the unfocused eyes of his agent were hard to deny and all those things made him feel guilty over the whole situation. He felt like it was his fault that Tony was dead; if he hadn't been a bastard at work, Tony wouldn't have felt the need to go to his place to explain things he'd done and he wouldn't have been there when those masked men swarmed into his house, coming out of nowhere to grab _him_ ; he'd still be alive and Gibbs would have more hope of getting out of there in one piece, because as much as he trusted his other agents, Tony was simply the best there and with him leading the team, Gibbs would've had no doubt about his quick rescue.

But Tony wasn't there and it didn't bother him just because it meant a later or no rescue for him; it mattered because he couldn't imagine, _didn't want to imagine_ , a workplace without DiNozzo by his side. Part of him didn't care if he survived this anymore if Tony wasn't going to be there to have his back. And what had been his last words to the younger man? That he regretted keeping him around; that no one cared what he needed or wanted.

Throwing his head back, Gibbs shouted his head off; he yelled and yelled until his throat was sore and then he continued shouting, promising the bastards who'd killed his agent a slow and _very_ painful death.

...

Somewhere, in the middle of the woods, an unknown forest ranger was walking around his area to make sure everything was in its right place when he stumbled upon a body lying face down on the ground. Pulling out his weapon from its holster, he approached it cautiously and with the tip of his shoe, he gave the body a nudge in the side. When there was no movement, he slowly reached a hand down and turned the body around, only to find it covered in blood and dirt.

"Damn; the poor guy." He said and grabbed his phone to call 911, at the last moment he reached out for the guy's neck and checked for a pulse.

"Hello. This is Ranger James Richardson; I need some cops here, I've found a dead body in-" He paused, frowning when he felt something under his fingers. "Wait a second." He said into the phone. "O God, this is unbelievable. I need an ambulance. The man is still alive. Hurry up, he's in bad shape. I don't even know how he's still alive... Yes, yes. Just hurry up." He quickly gave the dispatch the exact address to his location and hung up to assess the man's injuries.

He had a head wound which wasn't bleeding much, but it seemed like it'd been bleeding bad for a while and then there were two gunshot wounds to his chest.

By every measure, the man must've been dead, but he wasn't and that was enough for James Richardson. He was determined to keep the man alive, because he was one of those who believed that everything that happened in this world happened for a good reason and if he'd found the guy while he was still alive, then he was definitely supposed to keep him that way.

It was then that his eyes landed on the dirty, almost unrecognizable badge next to the unconscious man waist. "Damn, you a cop?" He asked the man on the ground, even though he knew he wouldn't get an answer. "Who did this to you?" He winced. "Don't worry. It's not your time. If you've lasted this long, then you're not supposed to die and I'll make sure of that, man. Just keep fighting, alright?"

James still had his hands pressed against the wounds on the man's chest when the paramedics arrived, followed by two cops running towards them.

"Oh, boy. This is bad." The first paramedic informed the others.

"He's one of you." James addressed the cops.

"What?" They exchanged a look and bent down to grab the badge. "Nope. He's a fed." One of them said after studying the badge without cleaning it. "Hey, guys. Before taking him anywhere, look in his pockets, see if there's an ID or something."

One of the paramedics checked the pockets and said, "There's nothing in here. Look around, it might be somewhere here. We need to go, now."

"Hey, umm-" James called. "Where will you take him?"

"George Washington University Hospital. It's the best place for this type of injuries."

"Tell him we'll find whoever did this to him." One of the cops called after them. "We have his back."

The paramedic smiled and nodded; after closing the doors of the ambulance that was parked nearby on the road, he said, "You hear that, man?" He looked down at his patient, wishing he had a name. "You just need to fight and get better because whoever did this to you is not gonna get away with it."

.

...

.

"Just what the hell has happened here?" Fornell groaned as he walked around Gibbs' living room, taking in the horrible state of it. "Doctor Mallard, I'm gonna need a copy of your report. We need everything if we're going to get Jethro back quickly."

"Certainly, Agent Fornell." Ducky looked at him solemnly. "We shall work on this one _jointly_." He said with a pointed look, implying that Fornell and his team had better share whatever they had with the NCIS team, as well.

"Have you guys managed to find DiNotzo?" Fornell asked McGee and Ziva who looked disturbed, but were processing the scene carefully.

"No. He does not answer his phone."

"Gibbs couldn't have been alone here. The way these bodies have fallen says that more than just one man is responsible for shooting them." He pointed to the bodies on the ground. "Three are over there. Two here. I'd say DiNotzo had been here with your boss when this has gone down."

McGee winced; that was even worse if both Gibbs _and_ Tony were taken. "We'll have Abby to check the slugs for both Gibbs and Tony's guns."

**.**

**.**

**... TBC ...**


	3. Chapter 3

"Fornell was right." Abby announced as she walked into the bullpen with slumped shoulders. "Tony'd been there with Gibbs and now they're both taken."

"Bullets match his service weapon?" McGee looked up at her.

Abby nodded. "And between Ducky's findings and mine, it's clear that Tony's taken down three guys; two of them with clean shots between the eyes; one with two rounds to the heart. Gibbs has shot two, right between the eyes. What do we do now? Every other time that something happened to one of them, the other one was here to lead the investigation and take care of things and save the day. But now they're both gone. What do we do?"

"Abby, we are capable agents." Ziva said indignantly.

"Yes, you are." Abby nodded her head. "But neither one of you can do this alone. Tony or Gibbs could. You're not them."

McGee looked hurt while Ziva looked angry at hearing those words, but before they could say anything back, Vance came down the stairs. "That's why we have Agent Fornell and his team to help us, Ms. Scuito. What do you have to work on, right now?"

That left both McGee and Ziva utterly deflated; apparently the Director didn't think they could handle that case alone, either. Then again, this was bad, really really bad and they'd never been in charge with something so big in hand; so maybe a fresh set of eyes wasn't such a bad thing; not that they could protest or anything.

"I have many things to work on, but I doubt I can find anything useful soon enough." Abby replied sadly, sounding more than a little scared.

"You might be right, but go through the evidence carefully and inform me directly if you have anything."

"Yes, Sir." Abby said and walked out of the bullpen as the Director took the elevator and went down to the autopsy.

.

"Doctor Mallard, how's it going here?" He asked as soon as he walked into the autopsy.

"Ah, Director. It's not every day that we get a visit from you down here."

"It's not every day that both Senior Agents of our MCRT get kidnapped." Vance pointed out.

"Indeed." Ducky sighed. "Mr. Palmer has sent our findings to the bullpen; I believe you know about that."

"Yes; but at the moment all we know is that this is for sure related to the case Gibbs and his team were working on and that these guys," He nodded towards the bodies on the tables, "were the members of two of those gangs they were watching. We know how they were shot and Ms. Scuito confirmed that the bullets were fired from Gibbs and DiNozzo's weapons."

"True. And I'm afraid I know no more."

"Well, in that case, can you accompany me to the University Hospital?"

"The hospital? My! What for? Are your lovely children alright?" Ducky looked even more concerned.

"Yes. Yes." Vance smiled slightly. "Thanks for asking, but they're alright. Some minutes ago I got a call, informing me that apparently one of our agents was sent there."

"Jethro or Anthony?"

"No idea. The only thing on the guy has been an NCIS badge and that's why _I_ was informed directly. Not sure he's really one of our people. We need to go over there to identify him."

"Oh my dear Lord. Did you find out anything about his condition? Whoever he is."

"They didn't say anything over the phone. Also, I didn't want to distract the team until I was sure of the situation; they have a lot to work on; so I didn't tell them anything." Vance said, indicating that Doctor Mallard didn't need to tell anyone either for now.

"You're absolutely right. Let's get to the hospital and learn more about this unfortunate guy, first. Then we can decide about our next step."

...

"Excuse me; I was informed that one of our agents was brought to this hospital." Vance said to the receptionist.

"And you are?"

"Leon Vance. Director of NCIS." The man replied patiently as he showed her his ID card.

"Yes, Sir. We have an NCIS agent admitted here; let me check..." She quickly typed something on her computer and waited. "It says here that he's still in the OR. But there's a cop over there that came here earlier and asked for him. He's the one who told us to wait for you. Before you go, though, can you tell me your man's name and his information?"

"My dear, we have no idea who this guy is; how are we supposed to provide you with his information before identifying him?" Ducky reproached kindly.

"Oh, you're right. Sorry. Go ahead then."

Both Vance and Ducky nodded their thanks and walked to the cop.

"Let me guess, NCIS?" The cop asked as soon as he saw them approaching him.

"Yes, dear lad. I am Doctor Mallard and this gentleman is our Director, Leon Vance."

"Nice to meet you, Sirs." The cop shook hands with them and eyed the two agents who were standing a few feet back, having a careful eye on the Director. "I'm Mark Ryan. My partner and I were at the scene where Richardson found the body of your agent. Well, not the body, he thought it was a body, at first, but he then checked for his pulse and realized that he was still alive and-"

"Where did you find him?" Vance cut him off, not having time for a babbling officer.

"Oh, _we_ didn't find him. James Richardson did. But well, I guess you don't care about that tidbit. Umm, he's a forest ranger; found your man at the border of his area." He said and gave them the exact location. "He'll be here shortly; the man was really concerned about your agent and wanted to check on him personally. He was in a bad shape; your agent, I mean, not James."

"Yes, about that. What can you tell us about his condition?" Ducky asked worriedly.

"Two GSWs to the chest. He was barely alive, I'm telling you. I still can't understand how he was alive at all. It was bad. Really bad. He also had a deep wound on the side of his head. That's all I know."

"Thank you, officer." Vance said. "One of my agents will contact you later."

The man nodded and handed Vance an evidence bag with an NCIS badge in it. They could check the badge number and find who it belonged to, but there was no guarantee that it was left with its owner; so they had to see the man on the table to be sure he is one of them.

"I believe you want to go back to the Navy Yard?" Ducky asked Vance when they were alone.

"Yes. I'll leave agent Martin here with you, though. Please let me know when you identify this man and when he's out of surgery, would you?"

"Certainly. And you please have someone give me a call if there's any news on our missing agents' whereabouts or anything on this case; I'm sure you're going to have Abigail to check the badge for fingerprints, am I correct?"

"Yes, I will. I'll have someone let you know if there's anything new." Vance promised the old ME before walking away with one of his escorting agent.

...

"This could go on forever, you know?" A guy, who earlier had been called Sam, punched Gibbs in the stomach again. He'd been doing that for the past few hours, on and off, and he hadn't even broken a sweat. "I don't get tired easily." Another punch. "But, how long do you think _you_ will last?" Another punch, this time to the cheek.

Gibbs' head was reeling; he was dizzy and pain was radiating from his midsection, but he still hadn't said a word. He absently wondered what those goons were taking him for? An idiot? They'd kill him at the end, whether he talked or not, he knew it and he thought that Sam and the others should know that he knew it, too; but apparently they didn't, because why else would they want him to talk for them to stop hitting him?

It didn't matter to Gibbs that he was being beaten up; it wasn't his first rodeo and he knew that if he talked, which would never happen, it'd only hasten his absolute death. He needed to stay alive long enough for his team to find him, because he'd promised to avenge Tony's death and he still had to find Tony's body to make sure he had a proper funeral. The younger man deserved way more than that, but it was the last and the least that he could do for him.

And then he'd resign. He'd made his mind a while back, that if he got out of there alive, he'd take care of Tony's body and his will and then he'd resign and leave DC for good. He couldn't stay there any longer, knowing his last words to his most loyal agent and friend had been hurtful words of anger.

"Dammit. Give me your cellphone." Sam finally stopped beating him and demanded a cellphone; when he was handed one, he ordered one of his men to grab Gibbs' head and hold it up and then he took some photos.

"Send these photos to whoever is working on our cases." He threw the cellphone back to its owner. "Tell them they have 24 hours to put an end to everything and send us whatever they've found so far or they'll receive his head." He then looked at Gibbs and smirked. "You know we don't do idle threats; you saw what my men did to your Senior Agent. You'd better hope your people take us seriously or tomorrow morning your head will go home. _Without_ your body."

...

Some miles away, in one of the private ICU rooms of University Hospital, Ducky was sitting beside a bed, looking like he'd aged at least ten years overnight.

The man in the bed was nothing like the Very Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo that he knew; he was pale with his eyes sunken and a ventilator down his throat to help keep him alive. The man wasn't even able to breathe on his own; the machine had to do it for him. And there was a thick bandage around his head and bruises had marred his face and upper body. Well, they were all over his body, but those were the parts that were visible.

Ducky knew that Director Vance had let people at the Navy Yard know that Tony'd been found and was in the hospital, but he also knew that they were ordered to stay away for now since there was nothing they could do for him.

Ducky had been led to the OR by one of the nurses to identify the man on the table and at first, they'd hoped that when Tony was out of surgery he'd be able to help them find Gibbs; but that'd been before they knew the extent of the damage that had been inflicted upon the younger man; that had been before the doctor told them that Anthony DiNozzo was barely alive and the chances of him making it were less than ten percent; that was before they were told that Tony probably wouldn't make it more than 72 hours.

Normally, they'd be advised to say their last words to the patient or to just be there for him, but due to the blow to the head and the substantial blood loss, the agent was in a deep coma and that was something else against him. Besides, the team had to work on finding Gibbs before it was too late.

So, that was why Ducky was in the ICU room alone, holding the ailing man's right hand in his and quietly pleading with him to show some of his exemplary resistance; asking him to pull through this one, too; telling him how much they all needed him, how much Gibbs needed him and how much they all would be devastated by his demise.

One of the bullets had ripped through Tony's left lung and it had taken the team of surgeons a long time to save the organ and that hadn't been even the worst of the damage done to Tony's body. The other bullet had almost ripped his heart. It'd been sheer luck that a rib had taken the brunt of it and had reduced its speed so when the bullet had hit Tony's heart, it hadn't went through; it'd done some damage to the heart muscle, but it'd stayed there and therefore had kept him from bleeding out in a matter of seconds which would mean almost immediate death.

They couldn't say yet whether or not Tony'd make a full recovery; heck, they'd said that Tony wouldn't even make it long enough to see the next week; not that he could see anything if he lasted that long, what with him being in a deep coma and all.

All in all, it was a miracle that the agent had lasted that long, but it seemed luck wasn't on his side anymore as he was lying there motionless and lax, not showing any signs of life, except the weak heartbeat and even that wasn't reassuring as his heart would skip a beat every now and then.

A couple of hours back, the agent standing outside Tony's room had informed Ducky that the ranger who'd found him was there and wanted to see him if that was possible; Ducky'd eagerly accepted it and since everyone there knew of Tony's special condition, no one argued when the agent led the ranger to Tony's room.

James Richardson's visit had given Ducky some hope, because the old fellow was full of hope and positive energy and had assured Ducky that if _Agent DiNozz_ o had fought so hard and so long to stay alive, he'd make a full recovery and that if he were supposed to die, he would've died before James could find him.

Ducky, of course, had every faith in Anthony; he knew if anyone could make it through a situation that grim, it'd be one Very Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo, but that didn't mean every time his eyes landed on the younger man's ashen face, his heart didn't ache for his young friend; deep down, Ducky was a little afraid that the younger man had no fight left in him.

**.**

**.**

**... TBC ...**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm no doctor but I do some research before writing things, although what can be found on the Internet is far from reliable. Still, that's all I've got and I tried to make it sound plausible, especially since I've heard of this kinda stuff, but if it's a bit too much, you should know that I needed things to go this way for the sake of the story. Hope it's not too far-fetched.


	4. Chapter 4

Back at the Navy Yard, nobody felt like even smiling anymore.

Not only were they all crazy busy with trying to find Gibbs in time, they were worried as hell for Tony, too. Everyone knew how things looked for Tony this time and the fact that they couldn't even go to the hospital to see the injured agent added to their misery.

The remaining members of the MCRT had to deal with guilt on top of all those other feelings, as well.

Both McGee and Ziva were feeling terrible for the things they'd said to Tony last and couldn't help thinking that their teammate - _their friend, if they dared to think that way after the things they'd said_ \- was dying, and his last thoughts must've been how everyone undermined his abilities and that nobody wanted him there.

They were secretly disgusted with their own treatment of their teammate, but neither one of them would voice any of those thoughts; they were too stubborn and too proud to say anything out loud, but that didn't mean they couldn't see the shame on each other's face whenever their eyes landed on Tony's desk and lingered there for more than a few seconds. And surprisingly, both of them kept glancing towards Tony's desk more than Gibbs'. Not that they weren't loyal to Gibbs or weren't worried about his well-being, it was just that they knew that he was at least doing better than Tony and that they hadn't made him feel like crap.

The dull silence of bullpen was broken by Abby who run into their area and almost shrieked Gibbs' name.

"Abby?" McGee jumped from his seat, worried for the Goth' sanity and tried to calm her down before she hyperventilated. "Abby, what's it?"

"McGee. Have you seen it? Have you seen it? O my God, Tim."

"Have I seen what? Abby, please." McGee threw a worried look towards Ziva who'd come to stand near them.

Abby shook her head. "Do you even check your emails? Or maybe you haven't received anything, yet. O my God, I just saw an email from the Dispatch. There are some pictures of Gibbs. O my God, he looks bad, Tim." She was biting her bottom lip. "First, they say Tony's dying and now this. Timmy, the message said they'd send us Gibbs' head. They killed Tony, they'd kill Gibbs, too."

Ziva and Tim were both so shocked that couldn't mutter a word. Luckily for them, Vance was always around since both Senior Agents of MCRT were absent and once again he came to the rescue.

"Agent DiNozzo is not dead, Ms. Sciuto." He announced firmly. "They didn't succeed in killing him and they won't kill Gibbs, either; we won't let them. Now, show me the message." He said and then looked at Ziva. "Agent David, inform Agent Fornell. Agent McGee, you and Ms. Sciuto, start processing the pictures and the email; you might find a lead. Move it, people. Fast." He ordered firmly, sending everyone into motion.

.

It was late at night when they received another message with more pictures of Gibbs, this time unconscious and more beaten up, tied to the same chair; reminding them that they had 10 hours left and that the next message would come attached to a box with Gibbs' head inside it.

But what the arm dealers hadn't counted on was the fact that every computer Tech. in the Navy Yard and even some from FBI were working on those emails and pictures from every possible angle and the second message just did it for them. They finally broke through it and found its source, enabling both Fornell's and Gibbs' team to get into action.

 _'Bring him home. Tony needs him.'_ Was what Abby had told Tim before they took off and then Abby went to the hospital to sit with Tony, encouraging him to get better.

Back at the warehouse, where Gibbs was being held, they kept hitting him till they finally got tired of the older man's silence and left him alone for the night.

Gibbs could tell that he had broken ribs; three fingers from his right hand plus two from his left were broken, as well. His head was pounding heavily and he was sure he had a mild concussion at the very least if the nausea and the double vision was anything to go by. He was aching all over, but he was numb at the same time. Somehow, he didn't even care if he didn't survive this one; he wasn't suicidal and he still wanted to keep his promise and kill the bastards who'd killed Tony, but the pain of Tony's death was heavier than anything else at that moment and it made him care no more.

He was unconscious when the sound of a shoot-out teased his ears; he remained unconscious when Fornell and his team rushed into the room he was being held in and he remained that way until the commotion settled down and Tim and Ziva replaced Fornell's men around him.

By the time they were able to rouse him and have medics around him, the only ones in the room were McGee, Ziva and Fornell; all concerned and a little bit distraught.

Opening his eyes, Gibbs eyed them one by one, then frowned and looked past them towards the door, expecting to see someone else who wasn't in that room.

"Boss? You with us?" McGee asked gently.

"Tony." Gibbs' voice was hoarse and low.

Tim looked up at Ziva worriedly.

"Jethro. Hey. Calm down and let the medics do their job." Fornell interfered when Gibbs started to fight the hands that were trying to ease him down to the backboard to assess his injuries.

"Jethro?" he called his friend's name once again and the coldness in the other man's stare sent a chill down his spine.

"He's dead." Gibbs whispered. "My fault." And with that Gibbs' eyelids drooped close and he, once again, lost consciousness; not seeing the worried and sad looks on the other agents' faces.

...

Waking up in the hospital wasn't as painless as it should've been. In fact, it was the pain that finally brought him out of his deep sleep.

"Gibbs. You're awake." Abby jumped from the seat beside the bed and rushed to his side, grabbing Gibbs' forearm and squeezing it tightly. "Thank God. Gibbs, we were so worried. You've been unconscious for twenty hours and you have a concussion which was why everyone was so worried when you wouldn't wake up. Oh, Gibbs." She blinked back the tears in her eyes and bending down, she gave him a kiss and a gentle hug, which Gibbs didn't return.

"Gibbs?" She asked quietly and fearfully when she pulled back. "Are you alright?"

Gibbs' eyes were distant and dead. "What happened?" He asked with no emotion in his voice; not that it was a new characteristic for Gibbs, but this time, he'd taken it to a whole new level of cold and detached.

"Well, we cracked the messages and found where it was coming from. The team along with Fornell and his men came to your rescue. Everyone who was there is dead, except for two who are in FBI's custody for now. But Director Vance said they belong to us and that he'd take care of it. Don't worry, Gibbs, everything is under control now and you're alright. Well, not that you'd worry; but you know what I mean. You have five broken fingers, some broken ribs, some cracked ones and lots and lots of bruises and contusions but you'll make a full recovery." She said almost happily. Almost, because she was still worried for Tony, but she didn't want to show it in front of Gibbs since she didn't want to make her Silver-Fox upset and worried.

Gibbs closed his eyes. "I want the pictures of the scene, including those of everyone who'd died or got arrested."

"You got it, but you gotta wait till you're out of here, which I think wouldn't be later than tomorrow afternoon."

Gibbs finally mustered all his courage and brought up the name that had been haunting him for the last few days. "Tony?" He asked quietly.

Abby's lower lip quivered which only confirmed Gibbs' fears; so, he closed his eyes and turned his head away.

"Gibbs."

"I wanna be alone, Abs."

"But-"

"Abby, leave." He said harshly and very uncharacteristically since he was talking to Abby.

Nodding her head, she got up to leave, but when she reached the door, she paused. "It's bad, but we shouldn't stop believing that he'll pull through, Gibbs. He's lasted this long. He'll be fine."

Gibbs' head turned around so fast that Abby was sure that if he didn't get a whiplash, with the concussion he had he'd throw up any moment.

"What did you just say?" The older man asked with disbelief.

"Huh?" She was confused. "I said he'll pull through. Why?"

"He will-..." Gibbs blinked. "He's alive?"

"What? Of course." Abby's eyes widened as she walked back to Gibbs' bed. "O my God. You thought he was dead. They shot him in front of you, didn't they? That's why you're so upset. Oh God, Gibbs." She once again bent down and hugged him, this time, Gibbs' arm rounded around her shoulders. "I'm so sorry; we should've let you know he is alive, right away. We thought you knew; that's why they brought you here instead of Bethesda; because he's here."

"His blood was on my face." After a few seconds, Gibbs quietly confessed his agony; knowing Abby would understand why he'd thought Tony was gone.

Abby's eyes welled up and she sat down on the bed next to Gibbs. "They just shot him in cold blood, didn't they? They shot to kill?"

Gibbs nodded and then finally got his emotions under control. "They said they'd burned his body. Tell me everything, Abby. How's he? Where's he? What happened? Who found him?"

"A forest ranger." She started with the last question. "He'd thought Tony was dead at first, but Tony is Tony, he never gives up; he's the best." She smiled faintly. "He'd fought hard and against all odds; he was alive when the ranger found him. Two shots to the chest, but you already know that. One penetrated his left lung and it's bad, he can't breathe on his own, yet; but he's hanging in there." She swallowed hard and then looked away; the next part was harder to tell.

"How's that possible? I watched as life left his eyes."

"Well, you know Tony." She shrugged and squeezed Gibbs' arm. "The other bullet... It... It penetrated his heart."

Gibbs frowned with shock. "His heart?"

"It didn't go through and it actually kept him from bleeding out. But it's bad. He... I've heard that he's coded twice during the surgery and almost once between where they found him and the hospital."

Gibbs was sure the temperature in the room had dropped dramatically, because he had cold sweat covering his whole body.

"And... And he's hit his head. He's in a coma, Gibbs." Tears finally started to drop from her eyes. "It's bad."

"But he's alive." Gibbs murmured quietly; that was more than what he thought half an hour ago; he wasn't going to let that fact slip his mind; if he was alive, he still had a chance.

"Yes." She smiled.

"What are his odds?"

Abby didn't say anything.

"Abby." Gibbs demanded more forcefully.

Looking away, she said something under her breath.

"Abby!"

She sighed and forced the words out louder. "Less than ten percent."

Gibbs closed his eyes and cursed.

"He'll pull through, Gibbs. He hasn't fought this long to give up now. Tony doesn't know how to give up."

Gibbs nodded and smiled faintly. Yes, Tony was by far the most resilient man he'd ever known and he was a _marine_ and had served with some really strong and resilient men _._ "I need to see him."

"I'll go and arrange that. I know you need to see him to believe he's alive and I know he needs you and would want you there." She said determinedly and walked out.

 _'Not sure about the last part.'_ Gibbs thought bitterly.

Nevertheless, he needed to see the younger man. He needed to replace the images of a dying Tony and the image of his blood on his face, which he'd seen in the mirror, with some new ones. He was well-aware that he'd never forget those things and he knew that the image of Tony in a hospital bed, unconscious and hooked up to machines would be added to those other haunting images; but an unconscious Tony meant that he was still alive and that was better than the alternative.

**.**

**.**

**... TBC ...**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really know about emailing something to an agency or what the Dispatch would do with it; maybe Vance should've received that email first, maybe Fornell; but I figured since Abby is the forensic specialist and since she gets more anxious than the others, maybe it wouldn't be strange if she checked the emails first and saw the pics.


	5. Chapter 5

Ten days later, things looked marginally better, even though there hadn't been much changes in Tony's condition.

But the fact that he had fought and made it through the first week was enough reassurance for everyone. His lungs were doing better and the ventilator was now doing half the job and was only there to _help_ him breathe. His heart was stronger, as well and wouldn't skip beats as much as before; it still happened from time to time, which only managed to scare Gibbs even though he'd witnessed it many times before, especially during the first week, but the doctors were optimistic about his heart's condition.  
The only problem was that Tony was still in a coma. The medical team was hopeful and they said that the coma wasn't as deep as it'd been at first, but they still couldn't tell when Tony'd wake up or _if_ he woke up at all.

Gibbs' injuries prevented him from doing much, besides sitting by the younger man's bedside, that is and he wasn't about to complain about it. As much as he wanted to get out and find a way to close the case completely, he knew he couldn't do that. After the kidnapping and the rescue mission, those who hadn't been at the warehouse at that time, had disappeared altogether and to Gibbs' chagrin, the bald guy who'd shot Tony was one of those who'd escaped.

The case had turned cold because the gangs, after losing so many members, had clearly abandoned their deals this side of the country and had taken their business elsewhere.

But Gibbs had the picture of the bald guy's face printed and attached to the wall of his desk in the bullpen. The first day that he'd been able to get to the office, he'd found out that the guy was called Max Riggs; so, he'd put a BOLO on him, but so far there was nothing. Gibbs'd vowed that he'd finally hunt the man down and bring him to justice for what he'd done to Tony.

Now though, now he could either just sit there and will Tony to wake up or go back to the office to stare at the picture of Max Riggs.

That morning, Gibbs had gone back to the office just to check and see if there was anything new on the BOLO; he didn't care about any other cases, at that moment; not that with his healing ribs and hands, he could do much about them; but he felt so indifferent towards everything else that he'd even resign if Vance let him; he was a wreck and didn't think he could get his mind back to work for a while.

After telling the Director that he wanted to resign, Vance had offered to give him time off as long as he needed; he just had to promise he'd come back and Gibbs had promised to come back as long as DiNozzo did, too.

"Agent Gibbs?" Another agent walked into their area and came to a halt in front of his desk.

"What?" He looked up at Agent Roy and waited for her to talk.

"Sir, there's a woman here who's looking for Agent DiNozzo. I didn't know if you wanted the news about Agent DiNozzo to travel around, so I didn't say anything to her. Would you meet her?"

"Where's she?"

"Over there. Next to the elevator." She looked over Gibbs' head towards where the elevators were.

Gibbs nodded and slowly got up from his chair and walked towards the woman.

"I'm Agent Gibbs. What can I do for you, Ms.-?"

"Sharp. I'm Julia Sharp. I'm looking for Tony; umm, Agent DiNozzo. You're his boss, right? Do you know where I can find him?" She looked genuinely worried when she asked the question, making Gibbs wonder how she was related to Tony.

"Yes," Gibbs replied sadly. "We work together." He said instead of saying that he's Tony's Boss. "He's not available at the moment, though. Can you tell me what do you want with him? We might be able to help you. He a friend of yours?"

"Yes. Yes. Tony... Um, Tony is a dear friend. He's been helping us a lot." She said as Gibbs led her to their area and sat her behind Tony's desk.

"This is Tony's desk." He said kindly to put her at ease.

"I don't think he's told you about us, but he's told us a lot about you guys." She looked around the bullpen. "The thing is I needed to thank him and give him some good news, but I can't get a hold of him. I got worried and finally decided to come here and see if I could find him here. Is he alright?"

"He's-" McGee spoke, but then stopped mid-sentence and looked at Gibbs for permission; at his nod, he continued. "He's in the hospital."

Despite the bad news, Julia didn't look too shocked. "I was afraid of something like that. Is he going to be alright?"

"Are you his girlfriend?" Ziva jumped in with an interrogative tone.

"What? No." She seemed more surprised at this question. "No; he's an old friend."

"What did you want to thank him for and what good news did you want to give him?" Once again Ziva asked with an accusing tone.

Julia eyed her with suspicion while Gibbs turned around and glared at her. "David. Mind your own business."

"I apologize." She sighed, sounding well chastised.

Julia nodded hesitantly. "It's alright. It's just that-" She took her eyes from Ziva and looked at Gibbs. "Tony seems to have understated the situation here."

Gibbs almost smirked at that, knowing she was referring to Ziva and her rudeness.

"I wanted to thank him for what he's done for us during the past month, especially some days back. My little girl has been really sick lately and we came here, because a doctor at MedStar could help her. Melisa and I have been staying at Tony's apartment for three weeks now and two weeks ago, Melisa's situation got really bad and I had to rush her to the hospital. I..." She paused and swallowed at remembering those hard days. "I don't know anyone here and if Tony hadn't been there for me, I don't know what I would've done. He stayed with us the first two days that Melisa was in the hospital, but he told me that you guys were working on an important case and he couldn't stay any longer; so when Melisa started to show some improvement, he left to come back to work. For a while, I was really losing it there and if he hadn't come through, I would've had a terrible breakdown and nobody would've been there to help me and my little girl. But the treatment seems to be working and now they're sure that Melisa is gonna be alright. Tony's let us stay at his place even though he'd rarely come home himself and well, he hadn't been home at all the last two weeks. He paid for Melisa' treatment and he did everything to make sure we'd be alright. But two weeks is the most I could go without knowing what's happened or where he is. I hope it's OK with him that I've shown up here."

The look on everyone's face was comical. They all looked shocked and ashamed. Julia couldn't guess why, but she was an observant woman and she thought that it seemed like they all owed someone, presumably Tony, an apology.

"Anyway, I don't wanna impose on Tony any longer, so I thought I should go back to New Orleans with Melisa; I'll come back later to thank Tony properly and to try to repay him, but my daughter still needs lots of rest and caring, so I can't leave her alone right now and it's not right to stay at Tony's and take advantage of his kindness. So..." She shrugged. "Just... Umm, do you think it's possible if I see Tony in the hospital before I go? I really need to see him."

"Who's with Melisa, now?" Gibbs asked instead, having his shock and guilt hidden from those who didn't know how to read him.

"She's sitting in the car." She took a deep breath and then quietly voiced what was concerning her, "Agent Gibbs, Tony's not dead, is he?" She asked when she felt that all her questions about Tony's well-being were answered vaguely.

Gibbs almost winced. His feelings over the word ' _dead_ ' were still raw, especially since it was still a possibility for Tony. "No." He said quickly. "But you can't see him, I'm afraid. He's in the ICU."

"O God." This time, she did pale.

"No, it's not that bad anymore. He's gotten over the worst part, but he still can't have visitors."

"I see." She nodded sadly, sounding truly distraught. "It's... Well, he's helped us so much and I can't even be there for him when he needs someone."

"He won't be alone." Gibbs tried to reassure her, sounding a bit annoyed that she thought they wouldn't be there for their teammate. "I'll let him know you stopped by and will have him call you the moment he's strong enough."

"That'd be great, Agent Gibbs. Thank you." She finally smiled. "Seems like Tony's been pretty fair about you. I should leave now." She stood up from the chair and shook hands with Gibbs. "Thanks and please let Tony know how thankful I am and that I wish him a quick recovery. I would've stayed to help him, but with Melisa in this situation, I can't. Her father is deployed overseas and he's gonna be back this week or the next, so we both will come back to thank Tony, later. Thank you. Bye everyone." She nodded her head towards them one by one and then left.

Gibbs left the bullpen quickly after her, not able to stay in the area any longer. Like the other two agents, he felt even more ashamed of his behavior now; Tony'd taken that two days off to help a child and her scared mother and they all had seen the worried look on his face, but instead of asking him if he was alright, they'd accused him of different horrible things and had pretty much called him unreliable and untrustworthy.

Well, Karma _was_ a mean bitch.

Tony was in the hospital; in a coma and they couldn't even ask for his forgiveness.

**.**

**.**

**... TBC ...**


	6. Chapter 6

With both Gibbs and Tony absent, Tim and Ziva were forced to just go over cold cases as their team was still out of rotation; they kept going to the hospital, but no one could stay long, except Tony's next of kin which was Gibbs who didn't leave that place much, anyway.

It was 17 days after Tony was found and brought in to the hospital that he finally showed signs of waking up and it took another three days for him to actually wake up and be aware of his surroundings.

It was a Thursday afternoon when he finally found himself able to keep his eyes open long enough to take a look around his room.

The disturbing thing was that everyone seemed so happy to see him awake and they all showed it by turning up in his hospital room and talking excitedly to him, but _he_ didn't show anything in return. Tony just stared at them without a word and with absolutely no expression on his face.

Everyone thought it was an aftereffect of the blow to his head; that he was awake, just not alert, but he _was_ aware of what was happening around him. He was in pain, from his chest and his head, but he knew what was going on and he could remember what had happened that had led him to his current condition. Well, he could remember some of the things and guessing the others wasn't hard.

At first, he'd been a bit worried about Gibbs, but soon he'd seen the older man in his room, so the churning guts had settled down quickly, leading him to the conclusion that apparently he was the only one in a bad place at that moment.

After that, he found himself unwilling to talk. The most vivid images in his mind were those of Gibbs' house where the older man had ripped him a new one for a reason that wasn't even fair and he hadn't even let him explain things. Tim and Ziva's words were also fresh in his mind, since to him it all seemed like a few hours ago; making him reluctant to talk to them and when he kept quiet around them, he didn't feel like opening up and responding to anyone else, either.

He knew that something had changed in him and he couldn't put his finger on it, but it was almost like he didn't care about anything anymore; like he was totally spent and therefore indifferent towards everything and he just didn't feel like showing any emotions on the outside.

It did make the medical team worried; they took him to various tests and asked him a vast variety of questions, but so far, his brain seemed intact.

"Then what's wrong with him?" Gibbs had asked when he was told that _physically_ , Tony's brain was not showing any problem.

"Give him time, Agent Gibbs. He spent 17 days in a coma; it takes time to get back to normal." The doctor had answered encouragingly.

And now, four days later, Tony still refused to show any emotion or answer anyone. He'd started to slightly smile at Abby and would return her hugs with one arm; he also tried to answer Ducky's question with a word or two, but not for long since he'd zone out in the middle of conversations; but that part _was_ related to his physical condition.

Now, Gibbs was sitting with him again and for once Tony wasn't feigning sleep; in fact, he'd been checking his cellphone when Gibbs had walked in, so Tony hadn't found the time to pretend sleep.

"I understand that you don't wanna talk to us." Gibbs said quietly as he lowered himself to the chair next to the bed and studied his SFA; he didn't sound like himself; his tone was gentle and caring. "We weren't fair to you. Didn't let you explain."

 _'You think?'_ Tony thought, but his expression didn't change at all and he kept his eyes on his phone.

"And the things I said... Didn't mean any of them." The older man searched Tony's eyes for any sign of acknowledgement; but there was nothing. "You know me; I tend to break rule #10 every time it gets bad; doesn't mean what I say is what I think."

 _'Yeah, and I'm supposed to just smile and say it's alright, Boss. No harm done. Is that it?'_ Tony thought once again silently; suppressing the urge to sigh.

"I'm sorry, Tony."

There was still no reaction; not even Gibbs apologizing was enough to elicit a reaction; not because Tony was too angry to talk; it was still for the fact that he didn't care and in that state of mind, he saw no points in talking back or arguing or even pretending.

Gibbs sighed and turned his head upward, closing his eyes briefly. He needed to let Tony know how his supposed death had affected him. "I was scared." He finally fessed up. "When the bastard shot you before my eyes and when you lay there unmoving; when he told me you were dead and that they'd burned your body." It was almost like his breath hitched. "Your blood was on my face and every time I close my eyes, these are the only things that I still see."

Tony was still staring at his phone's screen, going through the Apps aimlessly; after so many years of working with Gibbs, it was the first time he was hearing his boss talking about feelings that openly and with _him_ out of everyone; Gibbs might've supported him in many occasions, but for someone so supportive, he sure kept his distance from Tony the most. For some reasons, he always let the others get closer to him than he'd ever let Tony. That was why at that moment Tony really didn't know how he was supposed to react; this was new to him, so he kept quiet.

Gibbs decided to change the subject for now; he wasn't comfortable and he could see Tony had built a brick wall around himself, keeping everyone outside. Apparently with their hurtful words, they'd managed to send Tony back inside his barriers and the younger man was clearly not ready to let anyone in again.

"We weren't able to bring down all those gangs, but they've, at least, left the East Coast; FBI is still working on their cases. I've put a BOLO on Max Riggs, the guy who shot you and I've heard something from an informant. If he confirms it, I'll leave to take care of it."

And that was when Gibbs saw it. There; a flicker of emotion on Tony's face and a twitch of the fingers holding the phone and then something akin to concern crossed the younger man's face. Tony might've been angry, hurt and indifferent to some degree, but he couldn't suddenly stop caring. It was just not in him; even if he left the team, he'd always keep tabs on their lives to make sure they were alright. Especially Gibbs.

"I'll be careful and I'll try to _arrest_ him. I'll take someone as backup, too." Gibbs smiled slightly, feeling warm inside at the fact that the first reaction that Tony had shown in days was a flicker of concern for him. Maybe Tony didn't completely hate him, after all.

"Your friend, Julia, showed up at the Navy Yard." He'd kept that news till now, wanting to make sure the ex-cop was actually aware of that conversation.

This time, Tony's head turned towards Gibbs, eyes narrowed.

"She told us everything. You were still in coma, that's why she couldn't come and see you. I promised her that you'd call her the moment you were able to."

Tony really wanted to ask about Melisa, but couldn't bring himself to open his mouth.

Gibbs must've read the question in his eyes, because the next thing out of his mouth was the answer to Tony's question. "She said Melisa is doing much better; that the treatments were working. She wanted to thank you but had to go back home. Guess her husband should be back by now. I'm sure she'll try to call you later again."

Tony smiled slightly and sighed. Turning his phone back on, he once again turned his attention back to the device in his hand.

"I wish I had let you explain." Gibbs resumed the old topic. "But mostly, I wish I hadn't been a bastard in the first place. You wouldn't have been forced to come to my place to explain things and you wouldn't have been taken along with me. It's my fault you're here."

Tony's only response was a frown as his fingers hit the screen of his phone much harder than it was needed.

"I'm proud of you, Tony and..." Gibbs took a deep breath and stood up. "I've never ever regretted asking you to work with me. That's been my best career decision and I shouldn't have said otherwise." With that he walked to the door. "I'll go get a coffee. Will be back in a few." He said quietly before leaving the room, thinking about the fact that their roles had clearly been reversed in the aftermath of that ominous incident and he wondered whether Tony would feel just as bad when he came to his place and talked and _he_ rarely answered or showed any emotion.

...

Despite his promise, he didn't go back to Tony's room in a few. Once he got his coffee and was on his way back, his phone rang and the man on the phone gave him the latest location of Max Riggs, causing Gibbs to take off immediately.

Riggs had been located in Baltimore in an old remote bar, so Gibbs knew he had some time before he'd lose him again. On his way to Baltimore, he stopped by Fornell's place to take him as his backup.

The information had been correct. Gibbs and Fornell found Riggs sitting at the far corner in the bar.

"I'll wait outside the backdoor." Fornell announced before finding his way out as Gibbs made his way towards the criminal.

Riggs detected Gibbs when he was a few feet away and instantly took off towards the backdoor. Following him patiently, Gibbs also elbowed his way through people towards the exit. Once he walked outside, he found Riggs on the ground with his hands over his broken and bleeding nose.

"I'll sue you." The fallen man spat angrily behind his hands which earned him a kick in the back.

"Shut up if you know what's good for you." Fornell said nonchalantly.

"Remember me, you bastard?" Gibbs kicked him one more time.

"So you're alive?" Riggs pulled himself to a sitting position. "How does it feel to be alive, knowing you are the reason that your agent isn't?" He smirked and took his hands away from his nose, letting blood run freely down his chin.

Sending an impatient look towards Fornell, Gibbs smirked. Fornell grinned back.

"Wow. Can't believe you're that big of a heartless bastard. You don't even care your agent is dead, do you?" Riggs was incredulous. "Man, you had his blood all over your face and clothes. How could-"

"He told you to shut up." Gibbs backhanded him across the face. "You remember what I promised to do to you when you had me captive?" He bent down to look the dirtbag in the eyes. "I said I'd kill you for what you did to DiNozzo. Take a look around; here I am."

"You can't kill me. I'm unarmed."

Gibbs snorted. "Well, you tried to escape." He pointed out.

"And you knocked me down and took my weapon. Agent Gibbs had no choice but to shoot you." Fornell provided further, sounding like he was giving a report. "You're a dead man." He smirked.

Rigged looked petrified. "You can't do this."

"You see any witness around?" Fornell smiled amiably, tilting his head to the side. "We're the only one here, man and if you think they won't believe us, you're dumber than you look. And hey, DiNotzo has _many_ friends, especially here in Baltimore. They wouldn't mind knowing whoever shot him is dead. You made a big mistake by shooting him."

"You can't kill me." Riggs repeated. "You've sworn to save lives not to take them."

Both Gibbs and Fornell burst into laughter at hearing that.

"That applies to innocent people; humans! Not cockroaches." Gibbs clarified.

"We've actually sworn to clean the streets from your kind." Fornell knelt down beside him.

"And I promised to kill you for killing Tony." Gibbs once again reminded him and lowered himself down, close to Riggs' right ear. The man was visibly shaken, all the arrogance was gone from his face and voice.

"Please." He begged miserably. "I... I-"

"Not so bold anymore, are you?" Gibbs snarled. "Did you stop to think about him when you shot Agent DiNozzo in cold blood?"

"Please. I was just following orders." Riggs was shaking with fear; constantly throwing glances towards the alley entrance in hope of seeing someone who could help him, after all, the Feds couldn't kill him if there was a witness around.

"I didn't see anyone ordering you to shoot a guy who was tied up." Gibbs said angrily and hit the man in the ribs with the butt of his gun, eliciting a yelp of pain, and probably of fear, from him.

"I told you I'd kill you, but you're one lucky bastard that DiNozzo is so resilient. You see, he's alive." He smirked at the shocked look on the dirtbag's face.

"That's-" Riggs shook his head. "No. That's impossible. I put two rounds in his heart."

Rolling his eyes, Fornell grabbed a fistful of Riggs' clothes and pushed him against the wall; wrinkling his nose when he noticed Riggs had wet his pants. "Right now, you should be thanking your lucky star that he's alive; or Jethro, here, would've killed you and I wouldn't have batted an eye." That probably wasn't the complete truth, but it didn't hurt to scare that little shit a bit more.

After that Gibbs hit Riggs one last time in the head, this time with the butt of his SIG-Sauer. As the criminal lost consciousness and his body went lax, Gibbs stood up and kicked him one more time. "Let's get him to the car. We're done here."

**.**

**.**

**... TBC ...**


	7. Chapter 7

Tony was finally moved out of the ICU after another two days; due to the condition of his heart and lungs they'd kept him in the intensive care unit longer than usual, but it was almost one month since the shooting, and his heart and lungs were doing as well as it was expected and even better, considering the condition Tony'd been in when he was brought in first.

And he'd finally started to talk and respond to questions clearly; the zoning out episodes had lessened in number and wouldn't last as long as before.

The only thing unusual about that particular hospital stay was Tony's behavior; Tim and Ziva hadn't referred to what had happened before the whole incident, but they'd been friendlier than usual and very considerate and nice. Once he was out of the ICU, they tried to go see Tony, every other day, trying to lift his spirit and mood by talking about the office and work, especially because a Tony with few words and no teasing had always unsettled them. But this time, Tony was in the hospital, so they did their best to keep themselves from provoking or teasing him, after all, they'd been warned against upsetting the patient in any way.

Tony in return was a true gentleman and very thankful. But he wouldn't joke about them being nice or about how they must be missing him at work. He never asked Gibbs why he was there all the time and he sure wouldn't tease his teammates to make things look normal.

He was friendly, but distant. He wouldn't _start_ a conversation, but wouldn't end it with short answers, either. He didn't ask them how things were and how everyone was doing, except with Abby, but he made sure they knew he was grateful they were keeping him company. It was like he didn't expect them to keep coming back; like whatever had happened to change his personality had put the notion in his head that they weren't his friends anymore and shouldn't show up there so regularly, and that was why he didn't expect anything from them and would remain polite towards them.

All in all, he was talking again, but he'd still be considered quiet and if there was more than one person in the room with him, he'd keep out of the conversation altogether.

The indifference and numbness was still there, despite the utter silence being gone.

And as usual, Gibbs was the one who noticed the problem, first.

"You're going to be discharged tomorrow?" Gibbs asked as he walked into Tony's room one night.

"Yes."

Gibbs still wasn't used to those one word answers and waited a few seconds for more to come, but when none did, he spoke again, "What does your doctor say?"

A direct question deserved a direct answer.

"I'm gonna need to take it really easy for at least another two weeks and go through the physical therapy."

"When will you be able to come back to work?" Gibbs asked and silently held his breath, dreading Tony's answer.

Tony averted his eyes for a second. "That's to be determined later." He finally answered vaguely.

"Look, DiNozzo," Gibbs started and then paused and waited for Tony to look back at him and continued when Tony reluctantly turned his gaze towards him. "I need you there. We need you on the team. I've noticed you're distancing yourself from everyone. You're going to come back, aren't you?"

When Tony bit the inside of his cheek and didn't answer, Gibbs went on. "Direct question, DiNozzo."

Tony sighed. "I don't know, Gibbs, alright? I haven't decided yet, but I think it's time I changed a few things. I've recently received another job offer from DEA and this time I think maybe I do need a change of scenery."

That was what Gibbs was afraid of. They'd gone too far this time and had said things that they couldn't take back. He knew that he had to try harder but if Tony was as determined as it seemed, nobody could change his mind; the least he could do was to try to salvage his friendship and hope Tony wouldn't cut off all the bonds and run.

"I don't care if it's not like me to talk; I don't care if in the past few days I've talked more than the past ten years combined; I needed to tell you all those things and I need you to know I care. I need you to know I consider this a second chance. I thought I've lost you back then and the only thing that kept me alive was the fact that I wanted to avenge your death. I had every intention of resigning and leaving after that, because I couldn't think of NCIS without you by my side and I still think the same."

"Gibbs-" Tony took a deep breath to hide his shock and other emotions. "Thanks. But... But you understand why I can't stay, right?"

 _'No. No. Dammit. I don't.'_ Gibbs wanted to say, he wanted to shout those words, but the thing was that he actually _could_ understand.

"It's not just about some cruel unfounded accusations. It's about not being _trusted_." Tony looked the older man straight in the eyes as he started his explanation. If he was going to leave, he'd present all his reasons; he'd make it clear that he had every right to leave and never look back. "How long have I worked for you, Gibbs? How long have we been a team with Ziva and Tim? And I'm _still_ not trusted. In fact, I think I can't use the word _still_ , as this problem is a relatively recent thing. It wasn't like this in the beginning. There was a time that you'd trust me with _everything_ and I haven't even been with you that long. You trusted me unconditionally and I didn't need to prove myself to you over and over again and I wouldn't be threatened with losing my job whenever I did something somebody didn't like; and now it happens for doing things that are the right things to do." He sighed and pushed himself upward in his bed.

"You wanna know why I _have_ to leave? These are the reasons. Not only have you made it clear that you have no respect for me as your SFA, you don't even give me enough respect or time you'd give a total stranger and I've had your back for 12 frigging years. And who do you think the junior agents on the team take their leads from? Of course, they'd treat me like crap when _you_ do; of course, they wouldn't show me any respect as their teammate, let alone their immediate superior. I can't expect them to do that when they think it's alright to undermine my position because you encourage them with your own behavior. I don't even get surprised anymore when they speak ill of me behind my back or in my face; how sad it that?" He chuckled bitterly. "I'm being treated like I'm an unwanted rookie, _forced_ to your team; one that everyone hates; I'm being called dead-weight; being kept out of the loop and out of secrets like if I knew about those things I'd ruin everything. So yes, Gibbs; I'm leaving. Because I've finally found the courage that I lost during the years of working for you. When I started at NCIS, I never thought my self-confidence and self-esteem would get _this_ low or I would've never stayed this long."

Gibbs was completely speechless. He'd really wanted Tony to talk, but now, he wasn't sure he was ready for that much resentment in the younger man's voice; he sure wasn't ready for that much pain and hurt feelings.

Tony wasn't done, though. "After years, I've finally found the buried self-confidence and I need to leave before the last remaining of my self-esteem disappears. For years, I've fooled myself with the illusion of a home and a family that I've built for myself here. I've been asked a lot of times why I haven't left years ago; and do you know what my answer has been every damn time?" That was clearly a rhetorical question, but Tony answered it anyway. "That I couldn't leave because this was home for me; because you guys were my family. And you know what I've finally realized? That my second family didn't turn out any better than my first one; and I'm done looking for one and I'm done trying to fill a void that's supposed to be empty."

"It's not tr-"

Tony didn't let Gibbs talk. The older man wanted him to speak; he'd better keep quiet and listen. "Yes, it is. And I need to leave before I stopped caring whether I lived or died. I needed _two_ days off and not only did you _not_ let me explain, you all jumped to the wrong conclusion and crucified me for it and the words you guys said..." He smirked bitterly and shook his head. "I refuse to stay in a place where I'm not trusted or respected. I've already stayed way too long by the look of it. If people here can't have faith in me for the seasoned agent that I am, then I'll go somewhere that they can."

"I've never trusted anybody the way I trust you. Never." Gibbs' tone was sincere, but somehow, he knew what he was saying was too little too late.

"It's better for everyone; really." Tony went on, like he hadn't heard Gibbs' words. "If I go, you can have the perfect team that you trust; the perfect people who are skilled and can do no wrong." His tone was bitter again and just a _tad_ sarcastic. "You say you trust me more than anyone else in the world;" _So he'd heard Gibbs' words,_ "Guess what, actions speak louder than words."

Gibbs felt like he'd been punched in the gut. For the first time in many years, he felt defeated and for the first time in ages, he felt like he'd lost a huge part of himself and this time he'd been the one pushing that part away, not realizing what he had been bringing upon himself.

Not only had he lost the trust of the man who meant so much to him, he also had managed to ruin another family for him. He'd apparently proved that, after all, he wasn't much better than Tony's real father and he'd spent years silently chastising that man for not seeing the best thing in his life. Seemed like he himself wasn't that different. He'd made the same mistake; he'd overlooked the same man who'd been overlooked his whole life by the most important people around him. Gibbs could say for sure that at that moment, nobody was angrier with him than he was with himself.

He needed to clear his head; this was getting too much for him; so he stood up from his seat and left the room without a single word.

**.**

**.**

**... TBC ...**


	8. Chapter 8

Tony stared at the older man's back as he left the room, knowing that as much Gibbs wanted to show he was OK talking openly or expressing his feelings, this was way out of his comfort zone; he wasn't feeling very comfortable pouring out his heart, either, but he'd reached his limits and for once, he had to show his anger; because at that moment, that seemed to be all he could do.

So if Gibbs didn't want to accept his reasoning or didn't want to face him again after hearing those things, then so be it. He was going to leave the team and he was going to let them know he wasn't being a brat, running away from home when things didn't go his way; he needed them to know that he had good reasons for what he was doing. He didn't care if they turned their backs on him and closed every signle door because he couldn't stay and take their BS anymore; he had chosen to leave, so he'd live with its consequences, no matter how bitter they were.

Grabbing a magazine from the bedside table, he started to flip through the pages but couldn't find anything interesting; after some minutes, he was finally about to give up and just try to get some sleep when Gibbs' voice startled him.

Well, at least the older man hadn't run back to the solace of his basement and they could finish their talk.

"There's nothing I can do to change your mind, is there?" The ex-marine sounded resigned as he leaned his shoulder against the wall next to the door; a fresh cup of coffee in his hand.

Tony studied him for a few seconds before answering, "Only if you can convince me that everything I just said is not true."

Gibbs remained silent; cursing himself quietly for the things that he had failed to notice sooner, when it still mattered.

"So you agree."

"When you died in front of my eyes..." Gibbs swallowed and looked up at the ceiling for a few seconds. "Let's just say it opened my eyes. It was worse than watching it happening on every single screen of the MTAC." He clenched his jaw for a second as he remembered the other time he'd thought he'd lost his SFA; that time his concern had soon been replaced by anger and once again he'd aimed it at the wrong person; the only person who shouldn't have been the target... This time, though-... This time it was worse; this time he'd been sure Tony had died and he'd lived with that thought for days and he'd been so distraught that there was no way he'd let the anger win again. "I'd do anything to keep you here; I wish there was something, but-"

"But you understand why I need to leave? That I'm not running away?"

Gibbs nodded. He couldn't pretend he didn't; that'd only mean he was dense. He was feeling ashamed that his action and words over the years had made things so hard for his best agent and what was worse was that with those actions, he'd taken another family from Tony and had made him believe that he could never have one. He was the one who'd screwed up the most. Royally. "I've been trying to find a reason for the way I've been acting; but I can't even convince myself. So-" he shook his head, showing that he totally understood what mistakes he'd made and what he had let the others do by following his lead. He really couldn't come up with a solid reason why he'd been treating Tony like crap, or why he was so adamant that he kept every source of happiness out of his own life; it was like he believed he didn't deserve to be happy again, and because of that he needed to keep Tony at arm's length or he'd bring smile and happiness to his home and his life... And by pushing Tony away, he'd hurt the younger man over and over again.

He couldn't tell who he was trying to punish there; Tony for still being able to smile after going through so many rough things throughout his life, or himself, for tasting happiness again after losing his girls.

Taking a sip of his coffee, he silently pushed those thoughts down. "When did you get that job offer? Where's your next stop?" He finally asked, knowing that if he couldn't change the past, he should at least work on the future.

"First time was about two months ago, after that joint undercover operation with DEA."

Gibbs cursed under his breath and said, "I knew I should've fought harder against that operation."

Tony gave a tiny smile. "They want me for undercover operations, mostly. But I guess I'll have my fair share of normal cases as well and apparently there'll be lots of consulting and teaching till I can get my clean bill of health, which obviously won't happen anytime soon." He added dejectedly. "I think I'll be sent to California. They've mentioned my Spanish beside my undercover skills."

"California?" Gibbs' face fell visibly. That was way too far away; he was hoping that the younger man would at least stay nearby; that way he could find a way to fix a few things.

It was far and Tony knew Gibbs wasn't one to use the phone, so if he went, that'd probably be it for them; unless Gibbs was really willing to maintain the so called semi-friendship between them.

"You'll have a team to have your back?"

At that, Tony almost rolled his eyes. "Yes. I'm gonna be the supervising agent, as well as being responsible for training some new recruits." He explained further, knowing what kind of questions the ex-marine would have.

"You know way too much about this job; have you considered it before this... Whole thing?" Gibbs couldn't help but ask.

"I've given it some thoughts before," Tony nodded, "but I turned it down the first time." He added.

"So?" Gibbs asked with a raised eyebrow; his voice not betraying his internal conflict; on the inside, the knowledge of how badly he'd failed, hit him again, harder, this time. DiNozzo had once turned down that offer, which meant if it hadn't been for that figurative last straw that they'd so cruelly added to the figurative camel's back, Tony'd forget about that job offer and would stay with them, and they'd still be a team, because the truth was that their team was never whole and never a perfect one without DiNozzo there; after all, whenever he wasn't there for a long period of time; they all felt like something huge was missing.

Tony's sigh put a halt to Gibbs' train of thought. "I was told the job was mine if I changed my mind; they said that they were willing to create an extra team if I took charge of it. Last week I gave them a call and they said the offer was still on the table."

"They really want you, don't they?"

"I sure hope so." Tony shrugged with his right shoulder.

"You'll be careful there, you hear me? And-" The older agent paused. "Watch your back. Don't trust anyone."

Tony could clearly hear the unsaid part behind those words, the _'Don't trust anyone like you trusted us; because we failed.'_

"I don't regret working for you, Gibbs." He needed to let his... now _ex_ -boss know that. "I've learned a lot from you and I still trust you with my back." _But it'd end there_. He added silently; although he knew the older agent had a pretty good idea how he really felt.

"I was proud to have you work with me." Gibbs' voice was calm and warm. "And like I said, I've never trusted anyone else like I trust you; that will never change; and I have a lot of respect for you; I should've never made you think otherwise; I'm sorry for not showing it when it meant something and... for ruining another family for you." He sighed, trying not to think about future. "You're the one that makes the MCRT a real team."

Tony was quiet. He narrowed his eyes and fought the urge to follow his routine and placate his _once_ mentor, telling him that it was alright and he was fine; he really couldn't do that; not after showing the older man the depth of his hurt. Not when everything wasn't really fine and alright.

"Wherever you go, you'd better keep in touch, DiNozzo or else..." Gibbs's voice had regained some of its usual strength and hardness.

"I'm not the technophobe here, Gibbs." Tone shot back, even though he knew he wouldn't pick up the phone and call Gibbs if the older man didn't try to stay in touch.

Gibbs nodded determinedly. "I'll visit."

Tony blinked; once, twice. "That...That'd mean... A lot." To say Tony was shocked to hear those words would be an understatement; he smiled genuinely for the first time, because it _did_ mean a lot; he was a bit skeptical but now that he'd talked to Gibbs, he felt like a huge burden had been taken off his chest. He still needed to talk to Abby, Ducky and Palmer, but he knew he could make them see things his way and he knew they'd all support him and they could visit him, as well. Gibbs had been his worst fear, but the older man had been surprisingly supportive.

A comfortable silence fell upon them as both men started to plan things ahead.

Gibbs studied his agents and thought about the past few days and then about the past few _years_ of his life. Well, twelve years were certainly more than just a few years and when Gibbs thought about it, he realized that he'd become used to depending on Tony from day one and he'd become so used to his presence that imagining him working elsewhere unsettled him more than he liked to admit.  
During the years, there had been occasions that DiNozzo had been away from the team for months; so Gibbs knew what it'd be like not to have the younger agent around; that was why he'd always fought so hard to either bring him back to the team or keep him there. He just tended to forget it from time to time and this time it'd cost him greatly. There was no coming back this time, but maybe it wasn't the end of everything; maybe he could still do something about it.

He might not be able to convince Tony to stay, but maybe... He opened his mouth to say something, but realized that Tony'd already dozed off.

Walking to the window, he stared at the grey sky; weighing his options.

Maybe... Just maybe there was a way to repair some of the damage that'd been done.

He suddenly knew what he needed to do; he knew how he could keep at least a semblance of what he'd gotten so used to over the years. Nodding his head, he silently made up his mind, knowing what he was going to do was a good course of action and his only option considering what he wanted deep down.

He needed to resign from the MCRT like he'd said he would if DiNozzo didn't come back to it.

He knew he could get Vance to give him a position in their LA office, but he knew the team there was already good and didn't need a leader; so he thought he could become a consultant; that way he'd still have a job he liked and he could be closer to the loyal man he'd been considering a son, or a younger brother for years. Besides, LA was the perfect place to build a boat; and if he resigned he didn't want to stay in DC and Mexico was out of the question now that Mike was dead.

Of course, he wouldn't burn all the bridges; he wouldn't sell his house in D.C. with so many memories in there; no, he'd keep it and he knew, every now and then, he'd come back to spend some time in that place to be closer to his beloved girls; but he knew he could move to LA and he knew it was what he really needed.

Abby and Ducky probably wouldn't be too thrilled to see both Tony and him gone at once, but he was sure they could understand and would be happy to know Tony wouldn't be all alone by himself.

All things aside, deep down, he could already feel the joy of that decision. For the first time in years, he didn't feel like he was under tons of pressure. He might be addicted to his job, but he could do with a lighter pace and he already had too many regrets there.

It was definitely time to move on.

Yes, he was actually pleased and he thought he was glad the younger man had decided to accept that job offer; he preferred to have him as friend and definitely an alive one, than an upset, withdrawn agent who hated his life and everything about it and didn't even care if he died or not.

Now, he just had to find the right time to announce his decision. He didn't think he'd need more time to go through his options, but he'd wait a while longer before telling everyone what he was going to do. That way he could observe how the situation unfolded and would know how and when to formulate a plan.

They still had a lot to work on and he was glad Tony had talked about everything that had gone wrong; he now had a chance to fix things and although he wasn't going to be exactly Tony's neighbor if he went to live in LA, the fact that they could be in the same Time Zone was comforting enough.

They could find a way to make things work out and by doing that, he'd teach the junior agents on the team one last lesson. He knew it was too little too late, like Tony'd implied earlier; but now that he'd failed to get that message across in the first place, he had to do it at the end; hoping that those two would change their behaviors and realize that what they'd been doing throughout the years hadn't been right.

He'd teach them that they shouldn't underestimate and disrespect a fellow agent, let alone a superior one; but more importantly, he'd teach them that they shouldn't take anything or anyone for granted.

At that moment, rule number eight was the most important one. That and rule number 51. _Sometimes you're wrong..._ And it takes a real man to see his mistakes and to own up to them; and Gibbs liked to think he was a real man.

**.**

**.**

**... TBC ...**


	9. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: There's some Ziva bashing ahead!

It'd been a couple of months since Tony'd officially started his new job as the Supervisory Agent of a Five-man team in San Diego.

Long physical therapy sessions to get back on his feet, plus the process of resigning from NCIS and starting at DEA had taken him almost three months and for almost one month after that, he still didn't have his usual stamina and had to take it easy. You don't come back from the brink of death that easily and even though Tony had once done that after his bout with the plague and had found it much easier, this time he didn't bounce back that gracefully and he could understand why; first of all, this time around, he was much older than when he came back from the plague and second of all, back then, he'd been completely healthy before he confronted the ancient disease and had to just fight its aftermath. Now, he already had scarred lungs and as bad as a bullet to the lung was, a bullet to the heart was much worse; add staying in a coma for 17 days to it and you'd know why Tony didn't lose his hope when it took him months to get back in form.

Besides, he'd been so busy with resigning from NCIS that he barely noticed how hard it'd been for him, at first, to do the simplest things.

That whole resigning thing had turned out to be way harder than he'd thought.

Of course, he'd always known that it wouldn't be like the other times that he'd left a place; those other times, he hadn't stayed for 12 years and he hadn't made so many friends. He'd always been able to just leave and never look back, but with NCIS, it was different.

Just as he'd anticipated, both Abby and Ducky got shocked and upset when they heard of his decision about leaving them; Jimmy was baffled, as well, but he'd understood and only made Tony promise that he'd visit and while Ducky finally understood his reasoning and accepted his decision, albeit a bit sadly, Abby went into denial. She kept saying that Tony wasn't in his right mind and had to wait and think more; she even asked Gibbs to stop him and when she realized that Gibbs was actually going to let Tony go, she stopped talking to the older agent altogether.

Surprisingly, even Vance didn't want to accept Tony's resignation. He even went as far as promising him his own team in near future just to keep the younger man with them. At the surprised look on Tony's face, the Director explained that they'd come a long way since he started as the director of the agency and now he knew why Gibbs always fought so hard to keep the younger agent with them; he'd admitted that now he did see DiNozzo as one of their best agents and informed him that the SecNav wasn't happy with Tony's decision, either.

Those things had caused Tony's resolve to waver for a while and during those days, he'd happily clung to the pain radiating from his chest and his painful physical therapies to clear his head.

He'd given things some more thought, but at the end, he figured that the reasons he'd given Gibbs were still there and there was no way for him to come back to the team and forget about everything. He really needed to leave before they could break him.

So, at the end, nothing had worked to keep him there, but Vance had gone and surprised him again, telling him that if he ever wanted to rejoin them, the door was open.

Ducky and Tony had both talked to Abby and had made her see that just because he was leaving, didn't mean they would never see each other again; Ducky, _privately_ , had also told her that if she didn't respect Tony's decision or if she started to act like a child and accused him of breaking the team or such things, she'd never see or hear from him again; and that advice had apparently come just in time, because Abby's next move was going to be the exact same thing. So, since she'd been left with no other choices, she'd reluctantly accepted the situation and had started to plan all their upcoming visits ahead.

The interesting part of resigning from NCIS hadn't been any of those things, though. It was the junior agent's reactions. They both might've been malice on occasions and mean in their behavior, but neither of them ever thought that Tony would actually leave. In fact, nobody thought that Tony DiNozzo would ever leave NCIS. The ex-cop had been through so much with them; taking many things from everyone and had never shown any sign of wishing to leave, making everyone certain that the current SFA of the MCRT would be the last one to leave that agency; but to everyone's utter shock the unthinkable eventually happened.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo had apparently finally reached his breaking point and couldn't take it anymore; he'd finally accepted a job offer from another agency and was leaving them.

What shook McGee and Ziva more than the others was the fact that Tony wasn't just quitting, he was resigning to join _another_ agency; he actually had offers from other agencies and they'd never heard about them and here they thought they knew Tony so well and thought there wasn't a thing Tony didn't share with them.

So, the news came as a shock to them and both found themselves dumbfounded.

For days they didn't say a thing and it was McGee who approached Tony first to discuss the situation. He wanted to know if he was the reason the other agent was leaving and he was surprised when Tony said he was part of it. He'd really expected Tony to deny it and come up with a lame reason or something and even though deep down he knew he must've been partially accountable for the whole thing, he hadn't expected for Tony to say it to his face and it was at that moment that he realized it was over; that they weren't friends anymore and Tony didn't see a reason to hide the truth from him to protect him and his feelings; and he was man enough to know he mostly had himself to blame for that broken friendship. Their conversation hadn't lasted long; they hadn't even gotten to the living room before it was over, but before dejectedly leaving Tony's place, he'd asked if they could fix things or if Tony needed to leave so bad, they could, at least, meet again later; Tony's answer had been a ' _no'_ to fixing things and a _'we'll see'_ to starting over.

And that had been McGee's clue to leave to give the man he'd gotten used to see as an annoying older brother and had started to take for granted years ago, some space and time.

Ziva's approach was less remorseful and more contemptuous and demanding which had annoyed Tony to no end, causing him to practically throw her out of his place and ending up with a bad chest pain for hours afterwards.

Later, she texted him, saying she hadn't meant to be so harsh and asked if she could come over again, to which Tony just said 'No' and finished everything.

He couldn't help thinking that it was mostly Ziva's fault that everything had gone to hell in a handbasket; after she joined the team, somehow, somewhere along the way, things started to spiral out of control and Tony felt bad for thinking, _just for a second,_ that she was poison, but even though he dismissed that thought quickly _-it just wasn't like him to think poorly of those people he knew, no matter how cruel they'd been to him-_ he kinda felt it was the best word to describe the Israeli woman.

So, that was how the process of saying his goodbyes and finishing his unfinished works before leaving, went and after months things were finally making sense again.

During the whole time, Gibbs had tried to not meddle in Tony's business and had focused his energy on showing the junior agents of his team what they were going to lose.

Throughout all the cases that they'd worked on, he kept pointing out that if DiNozzo were there, he would've figured whatever point the others were missing. He even once made McGee call Tony and ask for his output on the case, which with Tony being the fresh pair of eyes and all actually helped. On another occasion when Gibbs had been extra pissed, McGee went to Tony to ask for help, pleading with him to do something and once again the former Senior Field Agent had stepped in and took care of the angry Gibbs and he even gave Tim a few tips to solve the case; after years, everyone knew that if Tony wanted to focus all his energy and attention on something, say a case, with or without computer skills, he'd manage to find something useful to solve the problem and he'd do it in a way that the others would have very little to do.

After almost three months, he was well enough to travel, so he left DC for San Diego and the following Monday, which was two days after his arrival, he met his new team for the first time. During his last three months at NCIS, he'd decided to be less friendly with his new team and definitely less open; he didn't need for the history to repeat itself. He'd found a chance to start over and he wasn't going to miss that chance.

During those two days he'd received 6 calls from Abby; two from Ducky and surprisingly two from Gibbs. It'd amazed him how they were willing to keep in touch and he vowed with himself that _he_ wouldn't be the one to put an end to it, either.

And that kept him going crazy at first, helping him to find a state of mind that was secure and peaceful again; because at first, no matter what he told himself, he kept missing his old team, his old carefree masks and his old place. He missed Gibbs' place and he even missed the orange walls of the Navy Yard; but his new team were good and competent people and they actually knew how to show respect and yet be friendly.

After just a couple of days, Tony realized that he still needed to train them all, as one of them was completely green and two others weren't that seasoned, either. Even the last agent on his team, his 2IC, needed tips and they all definitely needed guidance; so between trying to find creative ways to build a great team; learning about all the protocols in the DEA offices and everything else; he gradually got over what he was missing.

Until he was cleared for field duty, he led his team from his office - _he actually had a private office and even his team had a separated area from the others_ -; he also taught in different classes, the methods of processing a scene, ways of thinking outside the box and being a creative thinker - _as it was vital for an undercover agent-_ and solving cases as quickly as possible.

It wasn't until a finally quiet weekend that he realized that he hadn't talked to his friends from NCIS in about two weeks.

Grabbing his phone, he first called Abby, but her phone was turned off; when he got the same result with both Gibbs and Ducky, he started to get worried. He didn't want to call Tim, but his concern won over his hurt feelings and he convinced himself that at least calling McGee wouldn't be as bad as calling Ziva. His former Probie had actually called him once and had awkwardly asked him how things were on his side.

So, he just prayed that McGee would answer his phone.

His prayers were answered when McGee's tired voice came from the other side. "Hello?"

"Tim?"

"Tony?" Tim sounded hesitant, like he couldn't believe Tony'd actually called him. "Is everything alright?"

Tony sighed. "I wanted to ask you the same question. Why is everybody's phone off? What's going on up there?"

Tim was quiet for so long that Tony was forced to call his name again.

"You don't know." McGee finally stated and Tony felt his stomach drop.

"Don't know what? Tim, what the hell is going on?" He got up from his seat on the couch and grabbed his laptop to quickly book a flight to DC; he needed to be there if anything had happened.

Tim had apparently heard the anxiety in Tony's voice, because he quickly said, "Oh no. Nothing bad has happened. Well, it's bad; but for us. I mean it's just worse; it became bad when _you_ decided to leave, but now it's just worse. I hope it's good for you, though. I think it'll be; and you deserve it. I'm sorry, Tony; you know that, right? I think I never realized what we were doing; what _I_ was do-"

"McGee." Tony finally barked, putting a pause to Tim's 'we-screwed-up' speech. "You're sounding like Abby. What's going on?"

"Gibbs quit."

Tony was sure he'd heard wrong.

"Umm, you still there?"

"What did you just say?"

"I asked if you were still-"

Tony rolled his eyes. "Before that. About Gibbs."

"Oh, I said he quit."

Tony was once again baffled. "Why in the hell would he do that? What's happened there?"

"What do you mean what's happened?" Tim sounded genuinely confused. "You left."

"What does it have anything to do with this?" Tony was getting impatient.

"Um, sorry. Yes. You don't know. We found out a little while back, but I thought you knew. I mean I figured Gibbs has told you. Or Abby or Ducky could've said something to you."

"I've been too busy lately and now no one answers their phones. Are you going to actually give me a straight answer now?" Tony rubbed his eyes with his thumb and index finger as he felt a headache starting to build behind his eyes. As a souvenir of his latest ordeal, headaches hit him more often and harder, these days.

"Umm, well, he quit because you've left."

That couldn't be true. "Tim-"

"Really. He said so himself. He said he'd been wrong in his methods and that we all have made mistakes. Not that it's not true." The younger agent added quietly. "But he was talking to Vance about how he'd told him that he wouldn't come back if you weren't there."

 _'WOW!_ ' Tony was befuddled. Could it really be true? Did Gibbs really leave because _he_ had? He couldn't decide whether he should feel upset or proud and happy. On the one hand, he never wanted to ruin things for his old team and seriously, Gibbs wasn't one to retire, what was he going to do now? It was worrying him; on the other hand, well, he couldn't lie to himself, it was strangely reassuring to know his departure had affected his old boss like that.

"Tony?"

"What happens now?" He asked quietly.

"He didn't quit from NCIS. Just from the team. He's just coming your way to work there."

"What?" Two minutes ago, Tony hadn't thought he could get more shocked, but clearly he'd been wrong.

"Oh, umm, we don't know the details, but I've heard that he's taken a consulting job in our LA office. So, to me it looks like he wants to be close to you." McGee sounded weird and if Tony wasn't so busy trying to digest what he'd heard, he would've noticed the hint of sadness mixed with amusement in the younger man's voice.

"WOW." Tony blurted quietly. "That why he's not answering his phone?"

"Well, they must've turned their cells off while on the plane; or I don't know maybe just have forgotten to turn them on; or wanted to surprise you; which I guess I just ruined."

"They?"

"Gibbs, Abby and Ducky." Tony could see McGee shrugging over the phone. "They refused to let him go alone; said this way they could all come and see you, too. It's been a few months." He sighed. "I... I wanted to come, too... But-... Well, we're working on a case and you've said that-" He trailed off.

Tony sighed, too. He didn't mind seeing the younger man, but he wasn't sure what they'd talk about if they ever met. "I didn't mean I'd never want to see you again, Tim. I just-"

"Yeah, I know." Tim said quickly, "Anyway, you can imagine that neither Ducky nor Abby took it well that Gibbs was leaving, too. Especially Abby; at least Ducky kept a low key and just wanted to make sure Gibbs wasn't acting hastily. Abby... Well, you can imagine what she'd do hearing something like that. We still haven't recovered from losing you. After you left, things were a lot harder. Even Ziva had to admit it. Wish we'd seen it before you left."

Tony was quiet; because it still hurt to think he'd lost yet another family. "We all made mistakes."

"Some more than the others." Tim replied.

Tony remained quiet; he still didn't know which one of his mistakes had been so bad to evoke that kind of treatment from the very people he considered family.

McGee went on, "Well, this is it, I guess. We're having a new team leader; she's crazy; really." He sounded annoyed. "Or maybe we've just gotten used to you and Gibbs and can't take anything else; or maybe she's heard something about us and just wants to make sure we know our place because she's especially hard on Ziva. She's a former marine, as well. Crazy, huh? Keeps making us feel like a couple of probies, again even though I'm her SFA."

"Congrats."

"Don't know why, but not really happy about it. Not what I wanted; but then again, I've just realized that I've never known what I really wanted here."

Seemed like Tim had a lot to talk about, but the doorbell was ringing and Tony had to cut his conversation short. "Look, Tim. I gotta go now. Someone's at the door. Umm, why don't we... Well-"

"Can I call you?"

"Umm, sure." Tony replied hesitantly.

"Thanks, Tony." Tim sounded sincere.

"Will talk to you later."

"I'll call. Thanks again. Bye."

Tony sighed and pushed himself away from the wall he'd leaned against and walked to the door to see who his visitor was. Even though he knew about Gibbs' departure, he was still surprised to find Gibbs and company standing at his door.

"Tonyyyyyyyyyy." Abby threw herself at him and squeezed him so hard that he was sure his healed ribs cracked again.

Ducky smiled at him. "It's good to see you again, my boy. Sorry I missed your call."

Tony smiled back. "Well, I did get worried for a while there; but Tim made a few things clear." He eyed Gibbs as he said those words.

"You called McGee?" Abby pulled back with surprise.

"None of you would answer your phones; I didn't have a choice, did I?" He shrugged and ushered them inside. "And I heard some pretty interesting stories." He was again looking at Gibbs.

Gibbs shrugged and sat on Tony's couch. "It was time I left; you weren't there to have my back."

Tony raised his eyebrows. "Not the first time and the others would do a perfect job at that."

"Didn't mean I had to like it. My fault you left; I couldn't stay around." Gibbs' answers were as curt as ever.

Abby and Ducky were quiet; and Ducky felt that the two men needed to talk, so he quietly took Abby's arm and they walked to the backyard of Tony's house.

Tony watched them leave and made a mental note to thank them for being so understanding. "Gibbs, I never wanted to break your team."

"It was your team, too. And we were the reason you had to start over in a new place; I was the reason you lost another family. _We_ broke the team, not you."

"And you think your quitting fixes everything?" He didn't mean to sound so resigned or so annoyed, but he suddenly realized that he still wasn't exactly over losing everything he'd build over the years.

Gibbs didn't say anything in return.

"Gibbs, you didn't have to quit over this. We're still in touch, no need for you to leave everything behind to come here. I told you I'll come visit; it's not like I've cut off contact between us. I told you before that I'd like for us to stay friends if you want that, too. So, no need for you to be here; unless you think I can't do my job here and you need to make sure I won't screw up again." By the time he was done, Tony sound cold and irritated.

Gibbs took a deep breath and pinned his former agent with a hard glare. "I did hope I could fix a few things by coming here, but I mainly left DC because it was the right time to do so, DiNozzo. _You_ didn't screw up last time and you know I have every faith in you. I know you'll do a perfect job; it's not a secret what I think of your performance as an agent. And I didn't quit NCIS; I still have a job and I won't live here in San Diego; I'll be in LA. It'll take over two hours of driving to come and see you. Any other comment?" Gibbs had to admit to himself that Tony's words had hurt him and it was obvious in his tone.

"Just a little over one hour with your driving." Tony pointed out quietly after some silent moment.

A smirk found its way to Gibbs' mouth. "I won't regret my decision; I can promise you that." He finally said, sounding calmer than a few seconds ago; he knew part of Tony's anger was because he thought Gibbs would regret leaving DC later and knowing DiNozzo, he probably thought that _he_ 'd be blamed for it. "This is not a decision made lightly. I've put a lot of thought into it; I actually have been thinking about it since you told me you were leaving, in that hospital room." He paused as he remembered those days and felt that pain like it'd happened yesterday. "And as you see Abby and Ducky have come to the same conclusion when I gave them my reasons."

"Well, at least they didn't quit, too. That'd be too weird. This is just a vacation for them, right?"

"Yeah, they're just hanging around for a short while and then they have to go back to D.C. " The older man replied. "I haven't run away, this time, Tony. I still have my house in D.C. and everyone knows where I am." He added as he could see lines of doubts on Tony's face. "I just want to be close by and I'd like to see you around your new team one day."

Tony was quiet for a few moments, but he finally sighed. "Well, that's not gonna happen unless you find a way to share a case with DEA here." He grinned.

"Or you could invite them over so we can all meet." Abby said excitedly; Tony wasn't sure when she and Ducky had come back inside.

"No." Tony shook his head vehemently and everyone knew why he was so adamant; he didn't want his new team to know too much about him and his past to be able to hurt him later; but more importantly he didn't want his old team and friends to know the new people in his life; he wasn't quite ready to share everything with them again.

"OK." Abby nodded her head slowly, understanding Tony's reluctance to opening up to new people and sharing personal stuff with them; she didn't want to open old wounds, so she kept quiet; she might miss both Tony and Gibbs at NCIS, but she, at least, knew where they were and was allowed to contact them as much as she wanted to; she didn't want that privilege taken away just by being pushy.

"But we're always here for you, my dear boy." Ducky said as he sat down next to the younger man and patted his knee.

' _Literally_.' Gibbs said with his eyes as he held Tony's gaze.

Tony smiled thankfully and leaned back on the couch; thinking that maybe he hadn't lost everything he'd built over the years; maybe it wasn't a completely fresh start and maybe it was actually better this way; they could be a family, or at least friends, without the stress of the job and its misunderstandings. They could rely on each other the way a real family did and the fact that Gibbs was willing to leave things behind to come and be close to him meant so much that Tony suddenly felt his chest didn't feel so tight anymore and it was then that he realized that it wasn't those bullets and the physical pain that had caused the tightness in his chest for months; it was the sadness over losing his family and if he could have a fresh start with his friends, people he considered family, even if it was just to some extent, then he had no reason to be scared or sad. He could breathe more easily and he could let go of the pain and hurt.

They still could find a way to make things work.

**.**

**.**

**... The END ...**


End file.
